| Pablo Picasso: Can you see what it is yet? | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| The Orange Order: Well, I suppose we don't have to go this way. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| John Prescott: Let me say this in plain English. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Jonathan Aitken (from Ford open prison): I'll have breakfast in my room - full works...eggs, bacon, oh, & a copy of the Guardian. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Horatio Nelson: Half a bottle of Optrex please. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| The Turner Prize judges: We don't know much about art, but...tuff! | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Marcel Marceau: Ello! | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| St. Paul: I'm sure there's a perfectly rational, scientific explanation for all this. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Puccini: Well, I'm quite pleased with it, but it is quite a bit Andrew Lloyd-Webberish, isn't it? | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Franz Hals: Can't you cavaliers be serious for one moment? | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Henry VIII: I would like to stay friends. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| O.J. Simpson: Watch yourself - That's sharp! | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Bill Clinton: Please!...I'm married! | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Jonathan Miller: Of course, I'm no expert on the subject. | Nottingham
21 Jun 1999 |
| Pablo Picasso: It looks just like you, doesn't it? | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| John Major: Did you see me give my all in Florence?...or what it an episode of Magic Roundabout you missed? | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Douglas Hogg: Good morning. I'd like a really smart hat | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Roy Jenkins: Round the ragged rocks, the ragged rascal ran! | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Duchess of York: That's enough! | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Hugh Grant: Don't do that! | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Princess Di: I want to be the Queen of Clubs | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Forrest Gump: Hello. My name is Forrest Gump, and my momma used to say pocere subiet et de bolare superbo (sorry - my attempt at transcribing Latin!) | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Wordsworth: What rhymes with 'Hills'? | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Oliver Reed: Make mine a half | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Marquis de Sade: No need to get nasty! | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| John Redwood: Of course I'm an Earthling! | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Paula Yates: Let's call her 'Mary' | Cheltenham
29 Jun 1996 |
| Jesus Christ: Total bastards shall inherit the Earth | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Clive Anderson: No, you talk, I'll listen | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Duchess of York: Have this one on me | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Vinnie Jones: Violent...Moi?? | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Andrew Neil: In all modesty... | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Oprah Winfrey: Your private life is no concern of mine | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Beethoven: There's no need to shout! | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Anthea Turner: I know my limitations | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Demi Moore: Tim, I may not be much, but take me! (offered by Tim Brooke-Taylor!) | Liverpool
09 Nov 1996 |
| Michaelangelo: Sorry I only do floors | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Ghandi: 'Ere mush, you tryin' to be funny? | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Peter Lilley: I'm retiring to run a charm school | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| The Pope: Are you alright for the weekend, Sir? | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Mary Whitehouse: I'm a bum & tit woman myself | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Julius Caesar: Oh come on, is it veni, vidi, vici or weni, weedi, wici? | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Julius Caesar: Bloody Brutus! I knew you'd be in the thick if it! | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Tony Slattery: Ooh! I wouldn't appear on that! | London
11 Dec 1993 |
| Alexander Graham Bell: It's engaged! | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Claire Rayner: I don't care | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Barbara Cartland: I won't be two seconds. I'll just put my make-up on | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Julian Clary: My mother-in-law... | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Paul Gascoigne: I thought very carefully before I made the tackle, as my prime concern was to win the ball cleanly | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Winston Churchill: Should Herr Hitler ever set foot on the shores of our beloved country, you will not see my baggy striped trousers for dust | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Mother Teresa: I was so drunk last night, I ended up going home with a couple of sailors! | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Saddam Hussein: I'm as sick as a parrot. The better team won on the day, I'm just sorry I let the lads down | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| The Queen: Oh No! Not another tax bill! | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Peter Brough: Bottle of beer | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Jeffrey Archer: I want to be left alone | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Neil Kinnock: To cut a long story short... | Unknown
30 May 1992 |
| Dracula: Open the box! | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| General Custer: One hundred and eighty! | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Queen Victoria: That Bernard Manning - now he does amuse us | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Ted Heath: That Margaret Roberts, she looks a bit useful | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Madonna: Hang on a minute - I'm just getting dressed | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Cliff Richard: What do you mean, you're pregnant? | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Long John Silver: I'll take the pair | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Any member of the 1992 cabinet: Now this is a resignation issue | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Melvyn Bragg: TUNES | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Van Gogh: I want a Walkman for Christmas | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Oliver Reed: I'll just have a half | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| The Duke Of Wellington, at Waterloo: Stuff this for a game of soldiers | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Ken Russell: Sorry love, that's a bit over the top | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Eve (to Adam): Is there someone else? | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Iain Paisley: Can you hear me at the back? | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Moses: Oh, they're free? I'll take ten | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Jeffrey Archer: I think it could do with a re-write | Paris Theatre, London
05 Dec 1992 |
| Judas Escariot: Can you make it a cheque? |
|
| Pete Sampras: It's the British players that worry me | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Michelle Pffeifer: My goodness. I'd like to get that Tim Brooke-Taylor under the mistletoe |
|
| O.J. Simpson: Oh great, I've been looking for those gloves |
|
Florence Nightingale: What do we want? A rise
When do we want it? Now | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Jane Austen: I usually write the sex bits first | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec: The highballs are on me! | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Margaret Thatcher: I really hope John is voted back in | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Jonathan Lomu: Excuse me - would you mind if I came through? | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Henry VIII: Whatever you say, my dear | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Rasputin: Mine's a Babycham | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Linda McCartney: Yum-Yum! Jugged hare! | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Jeffrey Archer: Look, in all honesty... | Radio Theatre
24 Jun 1995 |
| Bernard Manning: Luxury item Sue, the collected works of Ezra Pound | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Adam, from the Garden of Eden: Hello, sweetie! | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| President George Bush: Watch my lips - blblllbbblblbllbb | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| John Prescott, M.P.: I'm saying nothing... | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Harold Wilson: The buck stops here |
10 Sep 1979 |
| David Frost or Bianca Jagger: Please, no cameras, I want to be alone |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Queen Victoria: What I like is a really good laugh |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Richard Nixon: D'ya wanna come round and hear the tapes? |
10 Sep 1979 |
| John Inman: Let's grab a couple of pints, and go out and pull a few birds |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Brian Clough: Of course David, I might be wrong... |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Joan Collins: No |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Edward Heath: Yes |
10 Sep 1979 |
| Laurence Llewlyn-Bowen: Do you think this makes me look a bit camp? | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Jerry Springer: Your private life is no concern of mine | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Jeremy Hardy: And now here's a song you'll all recognise | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Picasso: Can ya see what it is yet? | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Richard Littlejohn: Well I'd need to give that some thought before I express an opinion | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| BBC2 controller,Jane Root: My biggest ambition is to get The Goodies back on my channel | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| The Duke of Edinburgh: Far be it from me to comment | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| David Attenborough: No, pass me the big gun | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| King Harold: 20-20, me | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| David Starkey: Where are my manners? | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Graham Norton: I do | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Neil & Christine Hamilton: Oh, we couldn't do that! | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Queen Victoria: I pissed myself!!! | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Barry Cryer: No thanks. I've already had a half | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Tim Brooke-Taylor: No, I'll get them in | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Charlie Dimmock: Gosh. It lifts and separates! | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Boutros Boutros Ghali: Oh so you're called Boutros Boutros as well | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Vinny Jones: Ooh, you made me jump | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Nicholas Parsons: Oh you don't want me in the photograph | Leicester
10 Jun 2002 |
| Cleopatra: Does my asp look big in this? | Kevin Hale
|
| Albert Einstein: e = mc Hammer | Kevin Hale
|
| The Pope: Are you alright for the weekend, Sir? | Oxford
27 Jun 1992 |
| Cedric Brown (Boss of British Gas): LOADSAMONEY!!! | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Michelle Pfieffer: My goodness, I'd like to get that Rushton under the mistletoe... | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Julia Somerville: Someday my prince will come | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| O.J. Simpson: Oh great, I've been looking for those gloves | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Kelvin McKenzie: My word, I'd like to get that Janet Street-Porter under the mistletoe | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| The Queen Mother: Come on nurses - let's conga | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| The artist Damien Hurst: Whoops! Sorry Daisy! | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Duchess Of York: No, no, I'll pay | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Bruce Grobelaar: I'm a dedicated follower of Fashanu | 1995 Xmas Special
25 Dec 1995 |
| Laurence Llewlyn-Bowen: Do you think this makes me look a bit camp? | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Jerry Springer: Your private life is no concern of mine | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Jeremy Hardy: And now here's a song you'll all recognise | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Picasso: Can ya see what it is yet? | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Richard Littlejohn: Well I'd need to give that some thought before I express an opinion | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| BBC2 controller,Jane Root: My biggest ambition is to get The Goodies back on my channel | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| The Duke of Edinburgh: Far be it from me to comment | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| David Attenborough: No, pass me the big gun | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| King Harold: 20-20, me | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| David Starkey: Where are my manners? | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Graham Norton: I do | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Neil & Christine Hamilton: Oh, we couldn't do that! | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Queen Victoria: I pissed myself!!! | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Barry Cryer: No thanks. I've already had a half | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Tim Brooke-Taylor: No, I'll get them in | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Charlie Dimmock: Gosh. It lifts and separates! | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Boutros Boutros Ghali: Oh so you're called Boutros Boutros as well | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Vinny Jones: Ooh, you made me jump | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
| Nicholas Parsons: Oh you don't want me in the photograph | ISIHAC 8, Side 2
|
