If you cross Terry Wogan with Hitler you get someone who invades Poland three times a week | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross a hairdresser with Ian Botham you get a clip joint | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Leon Britton with Eric Morley you get Today Leon Britton, tomorrow Miss World | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Terry Wogan with a parrot you get Henry Kelly | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Oliver Reed with a block of wood that would be incest | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross a yellow-breasted tit with Sir Geoffrey Howe you get a double-breasted tit | 01 Jun 1985 |
Cross Margaret Thatcher at your peril | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Donald Sinden with a hen you get Ham & eggs | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Lord Gowry with a warthog you get an arts council grunt | 01 Jun 1985 |
If you cross Michael Foot with an inch worm you get six and a half inches of worm infested scarecrow | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Lena Zavaroni with Ken Livingstone you get the thin red loon | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Quasimodo with a mango you get a quango | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Ronald Reagan with a turnip you get a very dim turnip, but with all it's own hair | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Kenneth Williams with Jean Rook you get Carry On Crow | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross a parrot with a lion you get a bird that shouts 'Polly wants a zebra!' | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Princess Diana with an anteater you get Princess Dynorod | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Prince Andrew with Andy Pandy you get Randy Andy Pandy | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Sir Charles Forté with a hen you get a chicken that lays tables | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross a rambling rose with a pansy you get a flower that still rambles, but takes shorter steps | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross a road with a chicken you get to the other side | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic...oh no...you get very wet | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Tony Benn with a wide-eyed stoat you get another wide-eyed stoat | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Loyd Grossman with a team of sherpas you get the Duke of Edinburgh's Award | Imperial College 23 Apr 1983 |
If you cross Eugene O'Neill with Michael Heseltine you get You Jane, Me Tarzan | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross a campus with Michael Heseltine you get a tin of paint, two tomatoes & an egg | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Roy Rogers with Alexei Sayle you get the wonderful one, two, three, four letter word | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Bo Derek with Boy George you get something that swings through the jungle both ways | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Margaret Thatcher with practically anything you lose you job | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Norman Tebbitt with J.R. Ewing you get a slightly nicer version of Norman Tebbitt | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Joan Collins with a cockatoo, I wouldn't be at all surprised! | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Rod Stewart with Bette Midler you get a divining rod that ignores water totally, but judders straight for the cocktail cabinet | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Paul Raymond with a Yeti you get the abominable showman | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross Cyril Smith with a Catholic priest you get Father Fattest | Imperial College 05 May 1984 |
If you cross a parrott with Keith Chegwin and some apple pastry you get a polly wally strudel | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross Ruby Wax with a Big Mac you can burn Kenneth Kendal at both ends | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross John Le Carré with Kylie Minogue you get a Kylie Smiley | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross Harry Carpenter with Sebastian Coe and the French Green Party you get a nice spot of Haricot Verde | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross a lizard with the National Anthem you get a stand-up chameleon | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross the Foreign Secretary with a mens' washroom you get a Hurd of Basins | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross the Foreign Secretary with a mens' washroom you get Douglas Turd | Kevin Hale
|
If you cross a moth with a piece of Marks & Spencer's underwear you get a cold front coming in from the vest | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross the Duke and Duchess of York you get Budgie The Helicopter | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross the Chancellor of the Exchequer with the Poll Tax you get a Major malfunction | 03 Mar 1990 |
If you cross Topol with a mower you get a hover Nagila. It doesn't cut the grass, it just nips a little bit off the end | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross a German car with a potato you get an Audi Murphy | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross Madonna with Stavros you get a Madonna kebab | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross Des O'Connor with General Schwartzkopf you get Desert Norm | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross Billy Connolly with Pamela Stephenson you get 'When Hairy Met Silly' | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross another German car with Julian Clary you get an Opel fruit | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross Cliff Richard with a German arms manufacturer you get an alcohol-free Luger | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross a Japanese Noh theatre with an Assyrian stepped pyramid and Saatchi & Saatchi you get Noh Ziggurat Advertising | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross our finest living trumpeter with a climbing shrub you get Kenny Ball & His Jasmine | Brighton 29 Jun 1991 |
If you cross a mounted Prime Minister with a Foreign Secretary you get Major Road A-Hurd | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross Samantha Fox with David Lynch you get Twin Peaks | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross Paul Gascoigne with Maria Whittaker you get the Gazza Strip | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross a road with a chicken you'd both get to the other side | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross a zebra with Noel Edmunds you'd be more likely to get run over by a discerning juggernaut | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross tartan carpet with a chameleon he'd get a nervous breakdown | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross a small question mark with a Roman Catholic priest you get a little bit of how's-your-father | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross Zsa-Zsa Gabor with Jean-Michel Jarre you get Zsa-Zsa Jarre | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross Zsa-Zsa Gabor with Paul Gascoigne you get a Zazza-Gazza Gabor | 08 Dec 1990 |
If you cross Jeffrey Archer with Miss Piggy you get a spotty-backed bacon | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Richard Branson you get into the Guinness Book Of Records posthumously | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Crystal Carrington with Eddy Cantor you get a crystal decanter, and if they had sextuplets that formed an acrobatic act, you'd get six matching tumblers | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Margaret Thatcher with a steam roller you get a large bill for a broken steam roller | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Arthur Scargill with a steam roller you get a large round of applause | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Mrs. Sean Penn with some barbequed lamb you get a Madonna kebab | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross a palmist's hand with silver you get a large hoof-print on the palmist's hand, and a distant cry of 'Up Up and Away' to the tune of The Lone Ranger | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Nigel Mansell with John McEnroe you get two people who keep turning into the pits | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Pee Wee Herman with Superman you get Pea Soup | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross a length of Tartan with a bag of flour you get a self-raising kilt | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Edwina Currie with Arnold Wesker you get Chips With Absolutely Nothing | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross the Russian border with a condom you get a letter from Brezhnev | 14 Sep 1987 |
If you cross Joan Collins with 'Bungalow' Bill Wiggins you get a penthouse suite with a double balcony | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross an Aston Martin with Harvey Proctor you get a spanking good motor car | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross Nigel Lawson with Les Dawson you get a thing the size of two Orsons | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross the Duke of Wellington with Edwina Currie you get an old boot that puts its own foot in it | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross Ken Dodd's palm with silver make sure you make a note of it | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross Gorbachov with an Englishman in America you get Gor' Blimey! | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross Keith Chegwin with an MFI warehouse you get Chirpy-Chirpy-Cheap-Cheap | 04 Mar 1989 |
If you cross Dr. Fu-Manchu with a prison sentence you get Manchustir United | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Frank Bruno with Nicholas Parsons you get Just a minute and fifty seconds | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Andrew Ridgley & George Michael with Bamber Gascoigne by kind permission of a leading member of the Royal Family you get Wham Bam Thankyou Ma'am | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Placido Domingo with Rik Mayall you get Top 'C' Turvey | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross The Wind In The Willows with Esther Rantzen you get a toad mole-esther | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Thomas Chippendale with Michael Heseltine you get a beautifully made cabinet that keeps walking out on itself | 30 Aug 1986 |
Hannibal crossed the Alps with an elephant and got a mountain that never forgets | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Prince Andrew with the former speaker, Lord Tonypandy you get randy Andy Pandy | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross the equator with Lord Whitelaw you get a Willie warmer | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Brian Walden with David Bellamy you get that noise when you pull a wellington out of a marsh | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross the Sahara with a Land Rover, look out for Mark Thatcher, the twit's lost again! | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Andrew Lloyd-Webber with Geoffrey Archer, an undertaker and John Le Carré you get Cats with arseholes wreathed in Smileys | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Long John Silver with Lassie you get someone who falls over every time they wanted to have a pee | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Long John Silver with Lionel Blair you get Starstruck & Crutch | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Mrs. Thatcher and Rupert Murdoch, you're fired | 30 Aug 1986 |
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Ian Botham you get a head lock | 07 Jan 1989 |
If you cross Lord Nelson with John Cole you get a one-armed pundit | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross Keith Prowse with The Bank of Commerce and Credit you get ...nothing | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross Niagara Falls failures with the Queen Mother's Scottish castle you get the barrelling duds of May | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross a Rotwellier with Lassie you get a dog that bites your leg off, & then helps you look for it | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross a Judo expert with an Australian marsupial you get unarmed wombat | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross a sheet of glass with a Gaelic language you get a pane in the Urse | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross Neil Kinnock with Dame Edith Evans you get A WINDBAG?!!! | 09 Nov 1991 |
If you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Margaret Thatcher you get to be very popular on one side of the Atlantic, and very unpopular on the other! | Kevin Hale
|
If you cross Rupert Murdoch with a huge plate full of figs in the words of the old song, you get the Sun in the morning and you're up all night! | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross Cornell Wild with Humphrey Bogart you get Cornell Bogey | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross Van Goch with Peter Wright you'd have a right one 'ere | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross a psychiatrist with Bungalow Bill you get the listening bonk | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross the Rubikon with Madame Tussaud's you get Ruby Wax | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross a contraceptive with Placedo Domingo you get The Condom Of The Opera | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross your heart with St Michael you get a pair of Y-fronts that lift and separate | 12 Oct 1987 |
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat | 25 Apr 1989 |
If you cross a Bulldog with a Shitzu you get Bullshit | Jeanee Hoffman
|
If you cross Alexei Sayle with a great white whale you get Moby Alexis, which is incurable | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross Adolf Hitler with My Little Pony you get something small and pink with blue hair that invades Poland | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross Anne Diamond with Esther Rantzen you get something that can cut glass with its teeth | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross a jockstrap with a ballet dancer you get a bal masqué | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross a Skoda with a Lada you get nowhere | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Lady Rothermere you get bubble gum | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross John Selwyn Gummer with Anne Robinson you get cow gum | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross Robert Maxwell with a hot-air balloon it'd take you about a week | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross Charles Asnavour with Linda Lovelace you get a frog in the throat | 13 Jan 1990 |
If you cross Ian Botham you get a head lock | 13 Jan 1990 |